College Bound~Bless the Letting Go

Bless: to invoke divine care for (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/bless)

Today our niece is college bound. Stirs up memories within my soul.

Several years ago we were saying goodbye to our oldest child.

I remember it as if it were yesterday.

The bundle of emotion.

The good. The bad. The scary.

The shopping was exciting. Necessities for dorm life. Food. First Aid kit. School supplies. Clothes. Housekeeping supplies.

Bless the Letting Go backtofamily.net

Preparing was such fun!

We had worked towards this day for eighteen years.

Equipping her for life. Teaching her to stand on her own two feet.

Grooming her wings to soar.

And soar she did!

The night before the big move, lying in bed a panic swept over me.

I was on the brink of an anxiety attack. My heart raced. My mind on edge. My breathing shallow and quick.

I had had one sixteen years earlier, a few days after having a miscarriage. I remember being in the midst of chaos in my mind, a state of confusion. It only lasted a few minutes but it felt as if it were eternity. It was as if my mind could handle no more depths of sorrow and needed a short time out.

I cried out in prayer.

‘Lord! What do I do? I feel desperate and alone. How do I deal with this? After tomorrow our lives are forever changed!’

As His peace came over me, he brought a memory to the forefront of my mind.

The day I had lost my beloved cat, Tuffy. She had slept beside me every night for 19 years. I lay in bed that night sobbing. I heard the door to our bedroom creak open. Footsteps coming towards me. The covers being pulled away from me. Angel had slipped in bed beside me curled up in Tuffy’s spot. I held her and sobbed some more. The comfort of my child helped me through that first night without my fluffy friend.

I climbed out of bed.

Headed to Angel’s room. Creaked open her door. Tiptoed to her bed. Weeping, I leaned over her .

‘May I sleep with you tonight?’

She smiled ever so sweetly and motioned for me to join her.

I sat up the entire night and held her in my arms as she slept through her last night of childhood.

It reminded me of the scene from the book I read so often to her and her sister, Love You Forever. While the mother held her man-baby in her arms and spoke of her love to him.

I survived the night.

At the end of move-in day everyone met in the sanctuary for a gathering. We recited these words:at the chapelREV

I am so thankful she attended a Christian college.

One who welcomed God to be with us and guide us during that eventful day.

The Good-bye Ceremony was a good stepping stone to move from child to college student.

In reality, we all knew it was mostly to help the parents deal with one of their chicks leaving the nest.

I remember hugging her not wanting to ever let go.

My baby. My girl. My daughter. My best friend.

God showed up. Invoking His divine care for the letting go.

Where would I be without my Savior? Lost. Plain and simple. Lost.

me and my baby

BTW- Camo Guy literally had to hold my hand and lead me off the campus. Thank you Lord for such a strong and understanding husband who is a wonderful father to our children and knows when it’s time to let go.

 

 

 

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4 comments to College Bound~Bless the Letting Go

  • Oh my! I’m sitting here crying and I don’t have to let my oldest daughter go for another year yet. Thank you for helping me in advance of the big day to know that it really is okay if I’m a blubbery mess!

    • Kathy

      Oh Linda, the toughest part of Motherhood is letting go. No matter how much I tried, there was just no preparing for the loss I felt. Grieving over her childhood being pushed aside making room for another milestone along her journey. So bittersweet. Exciting yet overwhelming. If you haven’t already, read how I cried all the way down the aisle for her wedding. http://backtofamily.net/2013/06/the-walk-of-memories/ God has given me the Gift of Tears! 🙂 They are tears of joy too!! Thank you so much for stopping by! It was nice visiting with you.

  • Bonnie Celuch

    Kathy, as I read your “College Bound~Bless The Letting Go” I was taken back to the time we were preparing for our eldest daughter’s transition to college. I remembered buying all the necessities for college life, the fear that she would be so far away from us, and how much I would miss her. We got her unpacked and into her dorm room and when the time came to leave, I was a mess, crying and trying to be brave. After we got into the car and were headed home, I cried and cried, and my hubby chuckled and looked at me and said..”you’re going to see her next weekend.” I knew I would see her the next weekend, but leaving her in a strange place, with strange people and no immediate access to her was heartbreaking to me. That was many, many years ago and, as you can probably tell, everything went okay, but I’ll always remember that feeling in the pit of my stomach and the overwhelming feeling that things were changing forever. Thanks for sharing your family stories..love reading them!

  • […] Kristen left for college, I wanted to send with her everything she might need. Many comforts of home. Now […]

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