Every Child Deserves A Name

It’s been 20 years now and yet it seems like yesterday…

…the most difficult days of my life.

We were expecting our second child. Before we knew what was happening, within the first month it was over. A vapor as recorded in James 4:14. {HINT:Hover over the Bible verse for the NKJV.} Three months later, we found ourselves in the exact same situation. Initially, I had much appreciated support. But shortly thereafter, life surrounding me found it’s new normal. Almost, as if, those two lives never lived within my womb.

I grieved silently for years. Was I the only one who acknowledged their existence?  They were rarely spoken of. And even then, they were referred to as “The Miscarriages.” My arms ache for those little souls.

Memorial for Unborn Children~ BacktoFamily.net

Memorial For Unborn Children~ A sculpture by Martin Hudáček

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Miscarriage: What You Said vs. What I Heard

Words are powerful.

I am sad to say that my words have hurt people I love.

You can (and should) ask for forgiveness when your words hurt.

Yet once these hurtful words leave our lips, they can never be taken back. Never erased from memory.

Misacrriage: WHAT YOU SAID vs WHAT I HEARD BackToFamily.net

Intentionally spoken words and unintentional painful words. How many times have I tried to comfort someone in need by saying something less than helpful because I wanted to “make it all better” for them. I long to help carry their burden. I learned over time and am still learning that I can’t fix everything. We live in a broken, fallen world.

Grief is a necessary step in the healing process. What I can do however, is to lend a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen, and whisper an intercessory prayer.

The list of “good-intentioned” remarks here is not to condemn anyone. It is a reminder to myself to stop and examine what I am about to say to someone hurting.

How will it be interpreted through the lens of grief? Grief can twist words around so much so that their meaning has changed drastically from what you intended. Sometimes, most of the time probably, a simple ‘I am sorry for your loss‘ combined with a comforting {{hug}} will be enough to let them know they are not alone.

If you have experienced the same kind of grief that your friend is now going through, perhaps you might share your experience with them. Truly, those were the people who helped me the most when I suffered through two consecutive miscarriages.

Here are some of the well-intended/grief-twisted words that were spoken to me:
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